Running vs. Me

Running has always been a struggle for me.

I watch natural runners - and see their graceful, beautiful gait.

And when I think I've made gains toward such elegance, I'll look in the mirror while on the treadmill...

And see the slow and lumbering me.

I look heavier than I am. I feel that way, too. I move ploddingly, even when I feel like I am going fast.

Through much work and effort, focusing on form and conditioning, my running gradually improved - I almost started to like running.

Then, just a few weeks after a hard earned and motivating half marathon...

an unexpected set-back with the stress fracture. Which has healed quite nicely and causes me no discomfort.

Now it seems like the progress I'd worked so, so hard to make over the past two years has floated away on a big ole balloon. I can't figure out what it is exactly, but running just feels hard and cumbersome and yucky.

But I also know I am not mentally there either. I never really *missed* running during recovery.

I've been thinking about this - how my love for the bike has made it easier to become a better bicyclist. How a long or tough swim brings on relaxation and comfort, in addition to a good kind of tiredness. These are both good cycles - feeding each other with positive energy.

After a few frustrating weeks of huffing and puffing and just generally feeling like crap during my run workouts, I'm taking a step back - I need to rediscover an enjoyment with running. Maybe that will involve throwing my watch away for awhile or giving myself an pass if I am feeling frustrated - or looking for that workout where a good push could bring the satisfaction...an inkling of

what it could feel like to love to run.